capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
