i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
