i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
