my mouth tastes like poor choices
I want to have your abortion
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
