I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
