i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
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Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
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Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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