I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just want nice things and good sex
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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