My brain says no but my pants say off.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
