oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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