By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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