Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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