Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
