community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
