Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize