So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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