I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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