It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
