this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
