Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
