i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
