Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
