my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
