How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
