Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
