No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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