I think I won the penis lottery.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
