So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
