this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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