so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
