Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
