it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
