I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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