She said her name was "party"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
