just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
