as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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