Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
