I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i came on her dog
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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