to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
