I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
