I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
