I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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