that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
