Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
