shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
