how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
