He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
