Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
