That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
