I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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