Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
