why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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