The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
