What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
