I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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