is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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