just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
