she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
