i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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