3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
