I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
