I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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