Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
