So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
