i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
