Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
