I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
