I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
