I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Randomize
