Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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