why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm at about main and main street
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
