Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
