you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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