Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
