Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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