That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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