i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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