im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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